


Surrender to Consent

by Madisuzy



Series: Surrender [2]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Angst, M/M, New Years Dirge - FF7 Anthology fanbook submission, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-31
Updated: 2012-12-31
Packaged: 2017-11-23 03:07:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/617399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madisuzy/pseuds/Madisuzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Is there hope for those that ache for a second chance, even if they don't deserve it?  Sequel to Consent to Surrender.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Surrender to Consent

**Author's Note:**

> Written for New Years Dirge - FF7 Anthology fanbook. If you'd like to download the book, it has a variety of authors and artists works with different pairings from Final Fantasy 7. Its FREE and available through this link in various formats - http://proj-ff7xmas.livejournal.com/8438.html
> 
> My prompt was Stars.

Tseng watched Rufus silently from the darkness. It was cold in Healin' Lodge, the mountain air crisp and biting as it flowed in through the open windows. Rufus was standing like a statue before them, staring up at the night sky as if it held all the answers to saving his life. He was underdressed for the temperature, with no shirt and just a loose cotton pair of sleep pants on, but telling the blond to put on a shirt so he didn't catch a cold seemed a moot point. 

The blond looked too young to be dying, and even with the proof right before his eyes, Tseng couldn't accept it. There was still so much strength radiating from him, graceful movement not yet affected by the taint.

Tseng closed his eyes, letting his mind bask in memories where there was no darkened skin and impending doom. Memories let him rest, even if only for a moment, in the guilty pleasure of his favorite recollection.

_An innocent smile, open and vulnerable._

_A too thin body, naked, tied down and completely trusting._

It was unacceptable and wrong to think this way about his employer, but Tseng no longer bothered to try and fight his mind's private fantasies. His thoughts were all he had left that he could call his own, and he would not sensor them, no matter how inappropriate or perverted they became.

They were only thoughts, after all. 

He would never act on them because _that_ Rufus no longer existed for him to taste. The Rufus of today was hard, cold and unemotional. His only passion was for power, money and success. Tseng should know, as he was the one who had molded him into the man he was today... well, he and Veld, if he was to cast blame fairly. Veld had sown the seeds but was gone before they could be harvested. Tseng was responsible for all the rest.

He still didn't know if he should be proud or ashamed that their little protégé had taken to his lessons so well.

There were just so many things that hadn't mattered to Tseng then, but seemed to mean the world to him now. Child Rufus' smiles and the affection that used to shine from those blue eyes were all just fading memories. The naivety and innocence were all gone. Now there was only calculation and determination... a lifelessness tinted with distain. 

Tseng used to be unable to hold the blond's eyes because he had felt too corrupted in comparison, like an infection that Rufus might catch. Now he still couldn't hold his gaze, but his reasons had altered. The self loathing was still there, but it had been joined by a large dose of guilt and regret.

Yes, he'd been acting on orders, and if he had refused, another Turk would have simply taken his place. That fact brought him no comfort though. Stripping the boy of his affections and crushing his heart had been far too easy and had worked all too well.

It made Tseng ache and the older he became, the more it pained him.

Chances to divert the course that the Turks had forced on Rufus appeared and passed. Tseng watched and his heart ached, but he did nothing. He lay awake at night, reliving Rufus' sixteenth birthday over and over, a million times in his mind, like a self flagellation that never ended, but he took no action to try and end the suffering.

He would never leave Rufus, would always be by his side to protect him from those who would dare try to harm him on his descent into pure megalomania. Tseng would ache and need and yearn for only one, but never reach out to try and capture what he'd tossed aside so long ago.

"You're very quiet tonight," Rufus commented softly, making Tseng's eyes rise to find glacial blue studying him emotionlessly. "More so than usual, at any rate," Rufus added, a smile that held no humor curling his lips. "Tiring of me, Tseng? Considering other employment options that have a future? Or just hoping I'll hurry up and die quickly so that you can finally be free of me?"

"I will never leave you," Tseng replied, staying in the shadows as Rufus turned back to the night sky, eyes gazing ever upwards.

"But _I_ am leaving _you_... Or so the doctors say," Rufus murmured, expression void of any regret for his own downfall. "What will you do after I'm gone?"

"You will not die. We will find a cure."

Rufus' laugh was caustic and held no humor. "Ah yes. That stubborn insistence that you Turks wear so well. I was wondering where that had gone over the last few days." The blond closed his eyes for a moment, breathing in deeply before slowly exhaling.

Tseng watched Rufus' ribcage rise and fall, eyes drawn to the dark smudges that tainted the pale skin of the blond's chest and curled around his torso to his back. It reminded him of a bruised little boy with a face red from tears, glaring out at him from a dusty cupboard so many years ago. That had been the first time he'd ever met Rufus. He'd been just a child hiding in the dark from a father with a heavy hand and a heart of stone. Tseng had sworn to himself that somehow he'd fix it, that he'd find a way to give the child before him the strength to fight back. Years had passed before he'd been assigned to guard Rufus and had the chance to act on that oath.

Eventually though, Tseng had achieved his aim, but at what cost? And what did any of it matter? The goddess had over ruled everything he'd achieved and now Rufus wore bruises that would never heal, that would spread until they consumed him.

"For so long I believed the darkness was stronger than the light, but I was wrong, wasn't I?" Rufus' voice was only a whisper, maybe not even meant for Tseng's ears, but the Turk's attention was gripped by them as he stilled his own thoughts to focus on the here and now.

"How so?"

"Well...," Rufus mused, eyes opening to keep gazing at the night sky. "All the lessons you taught me so thoroughly were to show me that the darkness extinguishes the light. It smoothers it completely and the light simply disappears... but you were wrong, Tseng."

Tseng frowned, trying to follow the conversation but finding himself adrift in the words and grasping for the meaning behind them. "I do not understand your analogy."

Rufus simply sighed and the silence dragged on. Tseng was just beginning to twitch in annoyance when he was finally graced with a reply, but it brought no understanding.

"The light never disappears," Rufus said softly, a sad smile alighting on his features. "No matter how much the darkness curls around it and strangles it, the light still remains underneath... small and weak, but always there, just waiting for its chance to shine again." Rufus finally turned his head to face Tseng then, but as their eyes met, the smile disappeared. "I suppose that fact disappoints you. After all, you've spent your life trying to make me nothing but darkness."

"It would help if I understood what light and darkness are to you in this instance," Tseng replied flatly, aggravated by his own ignorance.

Rufus rolled his eyes, turning back to the stars once more. "Love and hate, of course. You're getting slow in your old age, Tseng."

"I am not that old," Tseng snapped back, but when Rufus simply ignored him, the Turk let it go. Instead, he pondered Rufus' little speech, his frown deepening as understanding twisted like a knife in his heart. "I never wanted you to be full of hate."

Rufus scoffed, but didn't turn back around. "I was a child with a crush on the only person who'd ever been kind to me since my mother died. You knew I loved you, so you used it to seduce me, made me believe I had a chance to have my love returned... gave me hope. Then you took my heart and dreams and crushed them before me, with no regret or remorse. You blackmailed me into co-operating with the Turks, using my humiliation and despair to ensure their survival and ability to direct the future of Shinra. You wanted me to be cold, hard and have no heart, to never be weakened by affection ever again. Love is weakness, hate is strength... isn't that your life lesson to me, Tseng?"

"No, that was never my intent!" Tseng insisted suddenly, stepping forward into the moonlight and bringing a surprised widening to Rufus' eyes. The expression jolted Tseng into freezing in place, the ache in his heart battling with his habitual urge to stay on the same path he'd walked for so long.

"Then what exactly was your intent?" Rufus asked, his expression softening slightly to a tentative curiosity. His blue eyes still held no warmth, but there was a rare vulnerability there.

Tseng fought off the urge to step back into the shadows and tried to focus his racing thoughts. Closing his eyes for a moment to take a deep breath, his mind betrayed him by offering up an image of Rufus at fourteen, report card held up for Tseng's perusal with a combination of fear and hope in his eyes. Tseng remembered only saying 'well done' but the words had been enough to cause the boy's face to bloom into an expression of complete adoration and joy. Tseng's heart clenched at the memory and he was unable to stop his body from flinching in reaction.

"Tseng? Are you alright?"

Ignoring the question, Tseng kept his eyes closed and scowled into the back of his eyelids. "I couldn't protect you from everything. The only thing I could do was try to make you strong enough to withstand what you had to... strong enough to one day fight your way free."

Silence fell around them, thick with years of words Tseng still was not brave enough to speak out loud. His heart beat too loudly in his ears, and he strained to hear past it, searching for some sign of Rufus' reaction. Eventually, he realized he had to open his eyes and face what he'd been hiding from for far too long.

What he saw stripped him of all of his walls and left him bare and completely defenseless.

"You crushed my spirit, my heart and my soul... humiliated me... left me so fucked up and faithless that I never even tried to...," Rufus' forced out, his voice breaking as Tseng stared at the sudden burst of emotion on the young man's face.. "All of that and you expect me to believe it was to protect me? You bastard." Tseng watched the despair twist to anger, Rufus' cheeks reddening as long held back emotions overflowed.

"You utter, utter bastard! After all these years... I'm dying, for fuck's sake!" Rufus' voice rose with every word, the last few shouted at Tseng like verbal fists. Tseng flinched and took a step back, eyes wide as he watched and tried to form words from the strangle of emotions in his throat. 

"Are you completely heartless? Do you despise me so very much that you can't even tell me the truth before I die?" Rufus' face screwed up with disgust and he turned away to glare back up at the sky, teeth clenched so tightly that his jaw twitched visibly.

"Despise? No!" Tseng finally managed to verbalize, one hand rising to his throat as if he could physically push the words past the blockage of his own emotional retardation. There was no more reasons to stay silent... no more Veld, no more President, no more Shinra. Still, the words were like razor blades as he forced them out and over his too long silent tongue. "You're the one...," he began, voice failing as he swallowed the shards of his pride and tried to continue. "I've spent my whole life with you, just an arms reach away, but a universe in between. My whole life is just... it's torture."

Rufus swung back to face him, confused frustration making his movements sharp and severe. "Shiva's tits, Tseng! For once in your fucking life, stop with the verbal constipation and just fucking spit it out!"

"I love you," Tseng blurted out, hands curled into fists at his side as he glared back at Rufus, his own anger flaring in frustration. "I always have, although I have no fucking idea why!"

Rufus' eyes widened and all the anger fell away from him, replaced by a stunned shock that reminded Tseng of a chocobo startled by the headlights of an oncoming vehicle. He mentally shook off the sudden urge to laugh hysterically, but his failing sanity helped to finally let the words come out in a rush of hurried unburdening.

"I remember everything about you. Every single conversation we've ever had. Even the very first time we met when you were just a child hiding from your father's rage. I remember it as clearly, as if it were yesterday, and you probably don't even recall it in the slightest. You were wearing a pair of blue pajama pants that matched your eyes and your chest was bare and spotted with bruises. Your lip was bleeding and you hair was all mused and sticking up in all directions...," Tseng rambled before stopping himself, shaking his head and rubbing one hand over his face as he tried to control the words that were now flowing out of him without restraint. They just kept coming though, like a river that had burst its banks, spreading out in all directions. 

"You looked up at me when I opened the door and said, 'Have you come to kill me, Turk?', and I almost wept at the sight of you. So fucking tiny and fragile... bleeding and abused... and I swore that somehow I'd find a way to help you. My life from that point on had only one aim. I should never have slept with you, no matter what Veld ordered, when I knew how you felt about me. It's sick that I wanted you so much that I'd take on a mission to seduce you, just to have a taste, but I couldn't let anyone else do it... let anyone else touch you. I convinced myself it was the right thing to do, to make you stronger so you couldn't be hurt by that damned irresistible heart of yours. I never wanted you to hate me, but if hating me would help you survive, then it was a price I was willing to pay."

Finally finished, the last words yelled in frustration as his eyes fell to gaze at the floor, Tseng could only stand there and try to catch his breath. It was the first time he'd ever even raised his voice in Rufus' presence and he was stunned by the passion and vehemence that had escaped with his confession.

Silence swept the room and Tseng remained frozen in place, awaiting the reaction to his rambling admissions as the minutes ticked by.

"You gave me your tie that day," Rufus whispered, the sudden words so soft that Tseng had to strain to hear them. "You said I could keep it if I came out of the cupboard and stopped crying."

When Tseng's gaze rose to meet blue, Rufus was smiling and there was no sadness or any other negative emotion in the expression. It was pure happiness and Tseng's heart ached with hope as he stared in wonder at Rufus, unable to pull his eyes away.

"I still have it, you know," Rufus continued, head tilting to one side as he studied Tseng carefully, eyes moving over the Turk as if seeing him for the first time. "It was the one irreplaceable item I owned when the tower fell... the only part of you I was allowed to touch. I always kept it close at hand, like a good luck charm of sorts. Luckily, it was in one of the inside pockets of my suit that day."

Tseng had bridged the gap between them and was kissing Rufus before the urge became a conscious thought. He couldn't stop himself, his kiss desperate and full of all the want and need he'd been burying and choking down for far too many years. 

Rufus groaned into the kiss, returning it with equal passion that made Tseng's blood boil. Both of the Turk's hands were in the blond's hair, grasping tight and holding him as if he thought Rufus would disappear if he dared let him go. Tseng felt hands pulling his shirt out of his pants and slipping up and under the hem, shockingly cold as they moved over his own heated skin. Rufus' touch was clumsy and unsure, his lack of experience only making his enthusiasm all the sweeter to Tseng as he let the youth push him backwards up against the wall next to the window.

Tseng gasped when his back hit the wall, their kiss breaking, but Rufus didn't stop. His lips moved along the Turk's jaw, nipping and tasting as if he were starving for the mere taste of Tseng.

"Rufus," Tseng breathed out, his hips pushing forth into the younger man's, the contact making them both moan in unison. 

"If this is another blackmail mission, I will shoot you in the head, you beautiful, infuriating man," Rufus growled against his skin before biting down. He then began to suck on the abused flesh, marking Tseng with a desperation that stole the older man's breath away.

"No blackmail... no games," Tseng gasped, head back and neck exposed. The guilt and regret he'd held for so long faded to the back of his mind, pushed to the corners by an overwhelming need to give himself to Rufus in every way. He'd always believed surrender would be humiliating and shameful, but never dreamed it would feel this right. "Just me... nothing but me."

*** The End***


End file.
